AN ELVIS MELLON HALLOWEEN SPECIAL
PART # 2
Copyright 2007
STILL A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION…….
Thunder and lightening flashed and boomed over Wolf’s bane island and the night air
was filled with the sounds of howling and strange cries heard in between the thunder.
The ancestral castle of Frankenreich was lit with many lights and smoke bellowed
from its chimneys. In the great hall, Muffy Frankenreich the daughter of Siegfried
Frankenreich and his wife Anastasia Dracul, paced back and forth in anger and
frustration. She was seventten years of age and dressed in combat boots, a red
and green plaid kilt, a ripped t-shirt and leather jacket with blue and orange hair and a
nose ring and a pierced lip among other things.
She was annoyed because she was supposed to be meeting her friends on the
mainland for this "rad" party but her drag of a mad scientist and purveyor of the black
arts- Dad was like too busy trying to raise the ancient ones of old night and chaos
through some stupid portal with his coven of vampires and werewolves and his other
creepy friends who gave Wicca a bad name when the folks of Bears Tooth assumed
that’s what they were when they found the
Remains of their animal and human sacrifices out in the woods near where the local
Wiccan and neo Pagan folks met. Her Mom was no better with her strange nocturnal
disorder that made her sleep all day and come out at night. It never occurred to Muffy
that maybe Mom was also a vampire or at least half, with a maiden name like Dracul.
(She shortened it from Dracula. Just like her Dad had changed the family name from
FRANKENSTEIN.) Well , Muffy was having none of this and waiting for the
butler,
Igor , the guy with that funny limp and hunch back, to take her over to the mainland;
since her Father wouldn’t let her take one of the boats. "Parents could be so lame. "
she thought as she slipped out through the front receiving room and out the huge
double doors to the front steps to have a smoke. She looked down the drive way
towards the docks where the ferry and yacht and smaller launches were docked to see
the faint lights of Bears Tooth across the water and through the fog. There was a
club 20 minutes from Bears Tooth in Laurium. She would never make it at this rate!!
Her older brother Boris was the lucky one. The Black Sheep of the family, Boris
was a vegan, Hippie freak, going to the University of Wisconsin in Madison,
Wisconsin, and probably smoking good weed and drinking beer right now( DAMMIT
WHERE WAS IGOR??!”)
At that very moment , Igor the Frankenreich manservant and butler (among other
things…)
Was helping his master chain up the fresh virgins that the werewolves had brought
back. They were hard to find now a days and it was equally hard keeping the
werewolves from just eating them. The old ones needed special sacrifices to be made
or they couldn’t make the transition into our world. The master Siegfried
Frankenreich was wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and fronted several private
scientific research companies including one that staffed the work on some mysterious
island in the Caribbean classified as restricted and top secret by the U.S
Government. A fellow Billionaire named Adams also funded some of the things there
but Siegfried wasn’t that interested in what went on there.
His great “uncle” -Eric von Frankenreich now one hundred and twenty one years
old- and who had served with the Waffen S.S as General Von “Frankenstein” (HE
didn’t change it. ) commanding the S.S - Panzer divisions that slaughtered the allies
at Arnhem when he was already age sixty. He watched now as Siegfried and Igor
chained the last of the young nubile virgin teenage girls into the holding cells in the
Castles dungeon. He too needed them, or more importantly their blood and the fluid
from their pineal glands to maintain his youth- He didn’t look or feel
a day over thirty . He didn’t necessarily approve of his nephews plan to bring Cuthulu
and his ilk through the portal into this world from their prison beyond time and space.
He remembered what happened when HIS master Hitler tried that back in 1939; he
had almost succeeded but Churchill and his dammed witches and other secret orders
of esoteric traditions had thwarted him. It was enough to have an army of the undead
and werewolves and other things to do the families bidding but “kids today!” he
thought …and that bratty little spoiled great, great niece! SHE was a handful! He
often told Siegfried to let HIM discipline her.
Just as Eric von Frankenstein was thinking his obscene and evil thoughts- a cloaked
(invisible) “starship” was landing and transforming into what looked for all intensive
appearances like a large tour bus with Government plates and environmental stickers
and placards on it. It uncloaked and rolled down the old route # 23 now a back farm
road into Bears Tooth, Michigan. A holographic sub routine was seen to be driving
it though that was just for show. He had on a dark jacket and pants and some sort of
E.P.A badge on his jacket
With a baseball cap that said the same thing. If anyone looked close they would see
he was the spitting image of Ashton Kutcher , the young actor married to Demi
Moore ( Virgil liked “That 70’s show.'') Meanwhile in the “back” in the lounge area
and adjoining “galley”/ kitchen (the doors were open to make it an extended room-)
Elvis Mellon and crew were enjoying some foot long chili cheese dogs and other
delicacies like cabbage rolls stuffed with “mushrooms” and crab meat and knocking
back some of Virgil’s special home brew which was 23 % alcohol by volume. Elvis sat
back on the couch next
To Grond who had a special vacuum tube attached to his ass in case of flatulence.
Elvis leaned back and lit a smoke and put the near empty plate on the small silver
domed robot that looked like a cross between R2-d2 and a Hoover vacuum cleaner.
“Beer-two” doubled as beer and drink dispenser and maid, janitor, “Step and Fetch
it” –etc. Beer-two had extendable cable like appendages that snaked out of his barrel
torso with pinchers at the end of them so he could grasp the plates and place them in
the small bin attached to his “back”.
Elvis exhaled and turned to Grond. “Grond…this is the life, Good food, good beer,
good friends, and a little “brain candy.”
Grond gave him a big toothy grin . “ME AGREE Mr. Elvis!! Me feel great, cabbage
rolls make Grond happy, everything colorful!! ME LOVE YOU!!” He grabbed
Elvis in a “bear hug” crushing him against his lime green furry torso as Elvis struggled
to breathe and not spill his stein of beer and Chivas Regal or burn Grond with his
smoke. Smoky jumped up on the arm of the couch. “Just what kind of mushrooms did
you put in those cabbage rolls anyway?”
Grond let go of Elvis who sat forward on the couch straightening his hat. “Um….
The GOOD kind…..” Smoky eyes turned to slits “I should have known .so now we
have a six hundred pound , nine foot tall, extraterrestrial, arboreal primate, tripping
his questionably sized brains out not to mention Thirteen and X , the Doc, The
Colonel, but luckily I didn’t eat any.”
Elvis grinned and looked around at his now grinning and laughing crew. The Colonel
was starring at Zik , watching the ceiling lights refract light off his translucent shiny
surface. Zik didn’t eat food but fed on sound waves which he got from all over. No
one figured out whether he had ears or just absorbed them through his whole body.
He was getting nervous having the Colonel and now -Thirteen - with his huge black
eyes stare at him like that. “Hey take a picture; it lasts longer!” Now X and Doc. Sax
were also grinning and starring at Zik with their pupils as big as basketballs. Grond
was also now grinning and drooling and staring at the pretty lights and colors that Zik’
s body had cast from the lighting.
Smoky whispered to Elvis “This isn’t going to end well.” Meanwhile Virgil ( his
subroutine running the Viking and in contact with the “greater” Virgil aboard Visigoth)
was driving down Main st in Bears Tooth on a late Saturday evening . The good
citizens of the town saw nothing unusual- just a large tour bus with Government
plates and various environmental protection agency logos and slogans like “Protect
our Federal Parks systems” and National Geographic supports the E.P.A driving
through their quaint down town.
No one had any idea it was really a starship built on the other side of the galaxy
containing several “aliens”, robots, a talking computer, several inebriated and rather
“unconventional” humans who spent the last many decades off the planet, a talking cat
and a giant extraterrestrial translucent and very neurotic spider that was about to go
ballistic from being stared at because the occupants had been fed magic mushrooms
and liked the pretty colors. Thirteen , the little Gray E.T was having the time of his
long life. Ever since
defecting from the Gray cyborg clones enslaved by the Draco and joining Elvis
Mellon and becoming Colonel T.P Sommo’s protégé and aide, his life had opened up
to so much adventure and happiness and these humans had really treated him like
“family” which was actually much better then the hive mind mentality of the Grays
where you are an identical numbered drone discouraged from independent thought.
Colonel T.P Sommo was like the father he never had ( he was grown in a test tube….)
and Elvis Mellon the favorite Uncle, and he wanted to grow up to be just like them!
Such joy they had taught
Him!! How to put Jim Beam in your chocolate milk, How to play poker and how to
cheat!! How to shove a whole piece of Pizza in your mouth!! Elvis Mellon was like a
God to him, He knew so many wonderful things!! He taught Thirteen how to spell his
name in the snow while urinating!! He got him his first hooker and taught him how to
piss off the cat by putting laxatives in his cat food. (Of course that one back fired
when Smoky ran into Elvis’s bedroom and crapped all over his bed….) Now Thirteen
was with his friends and feeling happy
and magical and high as a kite and it suddenly occurred to him that he had wanted to
get up and run around and jump up and down with happiness and roll around in some
grass and breathe fresh air. Meanwhile Zik was becoming more and more
uncomfortable having these crazie's just staring at him with those shit eating grins.
They complained about him looking at them with his twenty eyes but their two- times
five was bad enough! Virgil had stopped the Viking/tour bus by a park next to the
rec center and public beach near “Settlers” cove.
Zik snapped and went running as fast as his ten or more legs would carry him and shot
past the holographic driver and out the folding bus doors screaming into the night
with Thirteen right behind him and then Grond who followed Thirteen where ever he
went. Muffy Frankenreich had finally gotten Igor to give her a ride over in one of the
smaller boats and Igor was going to walk with her as far as main st where she was
meeting her friends by the all night “Quick mart”. Igor , like his father before him and
grandfather and so on and so forth, had been in the employ of the Frankenreich
family since high school and knew
all of his master’s secrets and was like a member of the family. He was paid well and
didn’t mind the menial jobs like getting hemorrhoid cream for Mr. Frankenreichs father
“Grandpa” Frankenreich and dental floss for Mrs. Frankenreichs father “The
Count.” He and Muffy were walking through the park towards main st. when an
enormous translucent violet hued spider the size of a Volkswagen Beetle came running
by yelling in a voice that sounded eerily like that of Bob Newhart -saying “I
CANT
TAKE IT ANYMORE!!” -And following behind him was what looked like a little
space alien with the really big head and small body and shiny big black eyes- dressed in
black boots- and some kind of military uniform with medals and epaulets and behind
him a 9 foot tall huge lime green furry ape creature that waved as it ran by and
grinned and then farted and almost knocked them both over with the smell of rotten
eggs and swamp gas. Igor and Muffys eyes widened as huge man with an enormous
beer gut wearing a sport coat , jeans , sunglasses and fedora , balancing a beer stein
in his hand ran down the street ahead of a cat wearing black rectangular bifocals.
Igor looked at Muffy who was wide eyed with amazement. “ Now THAT ……was
strange!!”
TO BE CONTINUED…….STAY TUNED FOR PAGE # 3
PART # 2
Copyright 2007
STILL A QUINN MARTIAN PRODUCTION…….
Thunder and lightening flashed and boomed over Wolf’s bane island and the night air
was filled with the sounds of howling and strange cries heard in between the thunder.
The ancestral castle of Frankenreich was lit with many lights and smoke bellowed
from its chimneys. In the great hall, Muffy Frankenreich the daughter of Siegfried
Frankenreich and his wife Anastasia Dracul, paced back and forth in anger and
frustration. She was seventten years of age and dressed in combat boots, a red
and green plaid kilt, a ripped t-shirt and leather jacket with blue and orange hair and a
nose ring and a pierced lip among other things.
She was annoyed because she was supposed to be meeting her friends on the
mainland for this "rad" party but her drag of a mad scientist and purveyor of the black
arts- Dad was like too busy trying to raise the ancient ones of old night and chaos
through some stupid portal with his coven of vampires and werewolves and his other
creepy friends who gave Wicca a bad name when the folks of Bears Tooth assumed
that’s what they were when they found the
Remains of their animal and human sacrifices out in the woods near where the local
Wiccan and neo Pagan folks met. Her Mom was no better with her strange nocturnal
disorder that made her sleep all day and come out at night. It never occurred to Muffy
that maybe Mom was also a vampire or at least half, with a maiden name like Dracul.
(She shortened it from Dracula. Just like her Dad had changed the family name from
FRANKENSTEIN.) Well , Muffy was having none of this and waiting for the
butler,
Igor , the guy with that funny limp and hunch back, to take her over to the mainland;
since her Father wouldn’t let her take one of the boats. "Parents could be so lame. "
she thought as she slipped out through the front receiving room and out the huge
double doors to the front steps to have a smoke. She looked down the drive way
towards the docks where the ferry and yacht and smaller launches were docked to see
the faint lights of Bears Tooth across the water and through the fog. There was a
club 20 minutes from Bears Tooth in Laurium. She would never make it at this rate!!
Her older brother Boris was the lucky one. The Black Sheep of the family, Boris
was a vegan, Hippie freak, going to the University of Wisconsin in Madison,
Wisconsin, and probably smoking good weed and drinking beer right now( DAMMIT
WHERE WAS IGOR??!”)
At that very moment , Igor the Frankenreich manservant and butler (among other
things…)
Was helping his master chain up the fresh virgins that the werewolves had brought
back. They were hard to find now a days and it was equally hard keeping the
werewolves from just eating them. The old ones needed special sacrifices to be made
or they couldn’t make the transition into our world. The master Siegfried
Frankenreich was wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and fronted several private
scientific research companies including one that staffed the work on some mysterious
island in the Caribbean classified as restricted and top secret by the U.S
Government. A fellow Billionaire named Adams also funded some of the things there
but Siegfried wasn’t that interested in what went on there.
His great “uncle” -Eric von Frankenreich now one hundred and twenty one years
old- and who had served with the Waffen S.S as General Von “Frankenstein” (HE
didn’t change it. ) commanding the S.S - Panzer divisions that slaughtered the allies
at Arnhem when he was already age sixty. He watched now as Siegfried and Igor
chained the last of the young nubile virgin teenage girls into the holding cells in the
Castles dungeon. He too needed them, or more importantly their blood and the fluid
from their pineal glands to maintain his youth- He didn’t look or feel
a day over thirty . He didn’t necessarily approve of his nephews plan to bring Cuthulu
and his ilk through the portal into this world from their prison beyond time and space.
He remembered what happened when HIS master Hitler tried that back in 1939; he
had almost succeeded but Churchill and his dammed witches and other secret orders
of esoteric traditions had thwarted him. It was enough to have an army of the undead
and werewolves and other things to do the families bidding but “kids today!” he
thought …and that bratty little spoiled great, great niece! SHE was a handful! He
often told Siegfried to let HIM discipline her.
Just as Eric von Frankenstein was thinking his obscene and evil thoughts- a cloaked
(invisible) “starship” was landing and transforming into what looked for all intensive
appearances like a large tour bus with Government plates and environmental stickers
and placards on it. It uncloaked and rolled down the old route # 23 now a back farm
road into Bears Tooth, Michigan. A holographic sub routine was seen to be driving
it though that was just for show. He had on a dark jacket and pants and some sort of
E.P.A badge on his jacket
With a baseball cap that said the same thing. If anyone looked close they would see
he was the spitting image of Ashton Kutcher , the young actor married to Demi
Moore ( Virgil liked “That 70’s show.'') Meanwhile in the “back” in the lounge area
and adjoining “galley”/ kitchen (the doors were open to make it an extended room-)
Elvis Mellon and crew were enjoying some foot long chili cheese dogs and other
delicacies like cabbage rolls stuffed with “mushrooms” and crab meat and knocking
back some of Virgil’s special home brew which was 23 % alcohol by volume. Elvis sat
back on the couch next
To Grond who had a special vacuum tube attached to his ass in case of flatulence.
Elvis leaned back and lit a smoke and put the near empty plate on the small silver
domed robot that looked like a cross between R2-d2 and a Hoover vacuum cleaner.
“Beer-two” doubled as beer and drink dispenser and maid, janitor, “Step and Fetch
it” –etc. Beer-two had extendable cable like appendages that snaked out of his barrel
torso with pinchers at the end of them so he could grasp the plates and place them in
the small bin attached to his “back”.
Elvis exhaled and turned to Grond. “Grond…this is the life, Good food, good beer,
good friends, and a little “brain candy.”
Grond gave him a big toothy grin . “ME AGREE Mr. Elvis!! Me feel great, cabbage
rolls make Grond happy, everything colorful!! ME LOVE YOU!!” He grabbed
Elvis in a “bear hug” crushing him against his lime green furry torso as Elvis struggled
to breathe and not spill his stein of beer and Chivas Regal or burn Grond with his
smoke. Smoky jumped up on the arm of the couch. “Just what kind of mushrooms did
you put in those cabbage rolls anyway?”
Grond let go of Elvis who sat forward on the couch straightening his hat. “Um….
The GOOD kind…..” Smoky eyes turned to slits “I should have known .so now we
have a six hundred pound , nine foot tall, extraterrestrial, arboreal primate, tripping
his questionably sized brains out not to mention Thirteen and X , the Doc, The
Colonel, but luckily I didn’t eat any.”
Elvis grinned and looked around at his now grinning and laughing crew. The Colonel
was starring at Zik , watching the ceiling lights refract light off his translucent shiny
surface. Zik didn’t eat food but fed on sound waves which he got from all over. No
one figured out whether he had ears or just absorbed them through his whole body.
He was getting nervous having the Colonel and now -Thirteen - with his huge black
eyes stare at him like that. “Hey take a picture; it lasts longer!” Now X and Doc. Sax
were also grinning and starring at Zik with their pupils as big as basketballs. Grond
was also now grinning and drooling and staring at the pretty lights and colors that Zik’
s body had cast from the lighting.
Smoky whispered to Elvis “This isn’t going to end well.” Meanwhile Virgil ( his
subroutine running the Viking and in contact with the “greater” Virgil aboard Visigoth)
was driving down Main st in Bears Tooth on a late Saturday evening . The good
citizens of the town saw nothing unusual- just a large tour bus with Government
plates and various environmental protection agency logos and slogans like “Protect
our Federal Parks systems” and National Geographic supports the E.P.A driving
through their quaint down town.
No one had any idea it was really a starship built on the other side of the galaxy
containing several “aliens”, robots, a talking computer, several inebriated and rather
“unconventional” humans who spent the last many decades off the planet, a talking cat
and a giant extraterrestrial translucent and very neurotic spider that was about to go
ballistic from being stared at because the occupants had been fed magic mushrooms
and liked the pretty colors. Thirteen , the little Gray E.T was having the time of his
long life. Ever since
defecting from the Gray cyborg clones enslaved by the Draco and joining Elvis
Mellon and becoming Colonel T.P Sommo’s protégé and aide, his life had opened up
to so much adventure and happiness and these humans had really treated him like
“family” which was actually much better then the hive mind mentality of the Grays
where you are an identical numbered drone discouraged from independent thought.
Colonel T.P Sommo was like the father he never had ( he was grown in a test tube….)
and Elvis Mellon the favorite Uncle, and he wanted to grow up to be just like them!
Such joy they had taught
Him!! How to put Jim Beam in your chocolate milk, How to play poker and how to
cheat!! How to shove a whole piece of Pizza in your mouth!! Elvis Mellon was like a
God to him, He knew so many wonderful things!! He taught Thirteen how to spell his
name in the snow while urinating!! He got him his first hooker and taught him how to
piss off the cat by putting laxatives in his cat food. (Of course that one back fired
when Smoky ran into Elvis’s bedroom and crapped all over his bed….) Now Thirteen
was with his friends and feeling happy
and magical and high as a kite and it suddenly occurred to him that he had wanted to
get up and run around and jump up and down with happiness and roll around in some
grass and breathe fresh air. Meanwhile Zik was becoming more and more
uncomfortable having these crazie's just staring at him with those shit eating grins.
They complained about him looking at them with his twenty eyes but their two- times
five was bad enough! Virgil had stopped the Viking/tour bus by a park next to the
rec center and public beach near “Settlers” cove.
Zik snapped and went running as fast as his ten or more legs would carry him and shot
past the holographic driver and out the folding bus doors screaming into the night
with Thirteen right behind him and then Grond who followed Thirteen where ever he
went. Muffy Frankenreich had finally gotten Igor to give her a ride over in one of the
smaller boats and Igor was going to walk with her as far as main st where she was
meeting her friends by the all night “Quick mart”. Igor , like his father before him and
grandfather and so on and so forth, had been in the employ of the Frankenreich
family since high school and knew
all of his master’s secrets and was like a member of the family. He was paid well and
didn’t mind the menial jobs like getting hemorrhoid cream for Mr. Frankenreichs father
“Grandpa” Frankenreich and dental floss for Mrs. Frankenreichs father “The
Count.” He and Muffy were walking through the park towards main st. when an
enormous translucent violet hued spider the size of a Volkswagen Beetle came running
by yelling in a voice that sounded eerily like that of Bob Newhart -saying “I
CANT
TAKE IT ANYMORE!!” -And following behind him was what looked like a little
space alien with the really big head and small body and shiny big black eyes- dressed in
black boots- and some kind of military uniform with medals and epaulets and behind
him a 9 foot tall huge lime green furry ape creature that waved as it ran by and
grinned and then farted and almost knocked them both over with the smell of rotten
eggs and swamp gas. Igor and Muffys eyes widened as huge man with an enormous
beer gut wearing a sport coat , jeans , sunglasses and fedora , balancing a beer stein
in his hand ran down the street ahead of a cat wearing black rectangular bifocals.
Igor looked at Muffy who was wide eyed with amazement. “ Now THAT ……was
strange!!”
TO BE CONTINUED…….STAY TUNED FOR PAGE # 3
PAGE # 2
